Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Back To Rehab!!

Okay, not really...

I went to pick up a friend who recently relapsed.  She got into a rather prestigious facility known worldwide and spent 28 days getting her shit together.  At least I hope she has her shit together.

She has pretty much hit bottom and now has to start from square one today.  But that is the true idea of an addicts day.  If we don't wake up right away and "admit we are <insert addiction here> and our lives had become unmanageable," then we are starting our day on the wrong foot.  So quite literally we have to start each day at square one.

My wife is working overnights this month and I pretty much hate it.

Did I forget to mention that Carolyn and I got married?  Yeah, I guess it has been a long time since I posted here but we tied the knot on May21st, 2011.  It was a (relatively) small service and reception.  Things have gotten better and better each day since.  Except this working overnight thing.  But I guess we have to make ends meet and this is one way to do it.

More later, I promise...

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Back to writing.

Distress brings another post.

A family member has been given a death sentence medical diagnosis.  Now it is a matter of time and treatment.  The best guess given is anywhere from 55 weeks to 24 months.  My goal in this is to not mourn the living but live each day to my best abilities.  I also need to include this family member as much as I am allowed and all the people associated with this person.

Along the same lines a co-worker is losing a child to cancer.  It is only a matter of time.  Losing a child this way is not in my area of comprehension.  Parents should not bury their children.  I don't know what to do say or think.  I have them all in my prayers. 

More writing to come.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Patterns of Life in the Wake of a Nasty Winter

No room for complacency. 

I have had a pattern going this Winter that has pretty much kept me busy.

Monday - Work at my normal job, then go to my abnormal job until 10pm or so.

Tuesday - Work at my normal job, then get G and do homework with her, get her to Girl Scouts, get her home and fed, then ready for bed.

Wednesday - Drop off G at school, work my normal job, get G from school then after her mother gets home, go to my weekly meeting.  Home by 8:30 or so.

Thursday - Same as Monday only on Thursday

Friday - Work my normal job, then depending on the week I either get G from school and wait for her mother or I get her for the weekend. 

Weekends - Depends on if G is with me or not. 

Intermixed with this is time spent with Carolyn and then working with mushroom stuff down south.

It has been a savior this season as the weather this winter has been Hellish at best.  Lots of cold and tons of snow.  But now the weather is warming up and I am in need to get out and be human again.

Freeing from the schedule a bit is going to be a challenge.  Time with G is sacred and work is important.  Time with Carolyn is also sacred.  I need to figure out a way to make this move in the right direction with very little impact.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

2010 - The Good, the bad and teh ugly!

It is New Years day 2011 and I am sick with the crud.  Nothing horrible just feel like shit for the moment and I am pretty sure it will pass.

2010 has been a year of ups and downs.  It marked my first year of sobriety and I began a new relationship with Carolyn that has been wonderful for the most part.

It also became the year that was the end of my marriage to Jen.  Am I happy that it ended this way?  Not really. No one ever goes into a marriage to have it end in divorce.  Over the course of time I had hoped that we would change how we interacted but when she refused to work on it,  it became time for me to just leave.  Not to say that I was completely right in the ending of it.  I take responsibility for my part in it.  I feel that we have a choice in how our relationships happen... We can be right or we can be alone.  Jen had to be right.  So now she gets to be alone.

Carolyn and I started dating in April.  Everyday we talk and make time to connect.  The superficial conservation that is necessary happens as it will but we take time everyday to check in on each other and how we are feeling about things.  There are some days where I am cranky and need a little headspace and time to sort things through.  There are times when Carolyn needs the space.  We make it a point to give the time and space when necessary without threats or whining.  I  like that.  It means we have time to work on ourselves and become complete.  We can bring what we have become to the relationship and share it with the other.

Trying to encapsulate the rest of the year seems pointless.  We are not what we have or don't have.  We are what we do and how we interact in the world.  I am not about the money, or stuff.  I am about how I interact with the world and the relationships we have.  It is all that really matters.

So to all those who send out the year end Christmas/Holiday cards that tells of the exotic places they have gone the cars they bought and boast about their stuff on hand I say good luck to them.  My 2010 was a pretty  damn good year.