It is New Years day 2011 and I am sick with the crud. Nothing horrible just feel like shit for the moment and I am pretty sure it will pass.
2010 has been a year of ups and downs. It marked my first year of sobriety and I began a new relationship with Carolyn that has been wonderful for the most part.
It also became the year that was the end of my marriage to Jen. Am I happy that it ended this way? Not really. No one ever goes into a marriage to have it end in divorce. Over the course of time I had hoped that we would change how we interacted but when she refused to work on it, it became time for me to just leave. Not to say that I was completely right in the ending of it. I take responsibility for my part in it. I feel that we have a choice in how our relationships happen... We can be right or we can be alone. Jen had to be right. So now she gets to be alone.
Carolyn and I started dating in April. Everyday we talk and make time to connect. The superficial conservation that is necessary happens as it will but we take time everyday to check in on each other and how we are feeling about things. There are some days where I am cranky and need a little headspace and time to sort things through. There are times when Carolyn needs the space. We make it a point to give the time and space when necessary without threats or whining. I like that. It means we have time to work on ourselves and become complete. We can bring what we have become to the relationship and share it with the other.
Trying to encapsulate the rest of the year seems pointless. We are not what we have or don't have. We are what we do and how we interact in the world. I am not about the money, or stuff. I am about how I interact with the world and the relationships we have. It is all that really matters.
So to all those who send out the year end Christmas/Holiday cards that tells of the exotic places they have gone the cars they bought and boast about their stuff on hand I say good luck to them. My 2010 was a pretty damn good year.